Emmett at Large
by SomeoneALittleCrazy
Summary: Emmett has a day out on the town when Rosalie goes on a hunting trip and he has a little fun... T for suggestive commentary...haha


A/n: So, don't bite my head off if this one-shot isn't awesome… It popped into my head in the middle of the night and had to type it up… I like messing with Emmett. Kinda like in The Quest for IT (a one-shot I co-wrote with Bite Me 23). So… no more blathering on and on… trust me, you don't want to hear what's in my convoluted brain right now… And thanks to Bite Me 23 (Jayme) for being my awesome beta!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight! If you think I do you deserve a trip to the yellow padded room! I've been there… it's really soft! Haha. Lesson learned? I think so.  
Jayme: fuuuuuuuuuuuun padded room!!!!!!  
Me: I know!!!!

Emmett was walking down a crowded street in Seattle on a very cloudy day. Rosalie was hunting with Alice and Bella and he was left with nothing to do. He had begged her to stay, begged her to let her come with him, said that he would do whatever she wanted, et cetera. Why she didn't say yes was beyond him. _How cruel it was_, he thought, _to leave him at the house, with no one to make fun of or mess around with or entertain him._

Emmett pouted, not realizing two passing girls in front of him that were watching his every move. They giggled and blushed. He smiled at them and they giggled more as they passed him. _This is the perfect way to get back at Rosalie. _He thought. He decided it was time to put his power of seduction to the test!

Walking casually down the street, Emmett winked and smiled at several girls causing a wave of blushes and giggles after him. He had gotten several stare-downs from other guys at this point. He decided to start to use some horrible pickup lines. He figured he better get the best he could out of this golden opportunity to get even with Rose and/or until Alice has a vision of him using pickup lines on random girls and comes and gets him.

He approached a brown-haired girl. "Excuse me, was your dad a baker?"

The girl looked confused. "Um… no, why?" she asked while raising an eyebrow.

"'Cuz you got nice buns!" He said, as the girl gave him a stern look. She walked away briskly with her chin held up high.

Emmett was in his element. He had ninety-two years total worth of pick-up lines memorized that under no circumstances was allowed to forget, Rosalie wouldn't let him.

He walked up to another woman who had just closed her cell phone. She was short and had short blonde hair.

Emmett tapped on her shoulder. The woman spun around quickly. "Excuse me, miss. But do you happen to have a map?"

She shook her head. "Because I keep on getting lost in your eyes," He responded.

"That was a waste of time!"The woman huffed and walked away.

Emmett found himself at a park. There were lots of targets for stupid pickup lines here. Like… ooh! That really pretty lady with the short blonde hair kind of in a boy cut! He walked up and said, "in case you didn't know, you have 206 bones in your body. Would you like another one?"

She turned around, and Emmett swore heavily mentally. "Sorry," he said, nasally, "I don't run that way. But hey, I am all for Gay Rights. So, you know, just keep being," he gave Emmett a quick once over. "Uh… gotta go. Bye, my girlfriend is over there…" he bolted.

"Crap" Emmett muttered under his breath. He snapped out of his shock after a moment and spotted another victim who was sitting on a bench tying her shoe. As he strutted over to her, she looked up once at him and looked down. He stopped in front of her.

"Do you work for UPS because I saw you checking out my package when I walked over here" he announced proudly.

She stood up so she could be at eye level with him. "Yah, I do work for UPS. And your package… well, let's just say you only have to use one stamp to send it" she jogged off in the other direction as him. He smiled. That was the best response he's had so far and it would've crushed his ego if he actually wanted to get into her pants.

Soon enough, he found another girl to torment for a minute or two.

He came up behind her. "Let's play house. I'll be the door and you can slam me all night."

She turned around in a flash. "Excuse me. What did you just say?" she snapped.

"If I was a skateboard I would grind on you all night" he said. She shot him a look that screamed "You better leave me alone!" and walked off.

He came to a girl and started another pickup line.

"Do you want to go to my stable?"

"Why?"

"So you can ride my pony!" He said in a fake country accent.

The poor girl looked as if laser beams were going to come out of her eyes and make Emmett explode like a bomb. This expression reminded him of Rosalie. He had been so caught up in the moment that he forgot all about her. He turned around and walked down the street before she could respond and next thing he knew, he was home.

The first thing Emmett saw when he got home was that familiar long blonde hair. He smiled; she was back from the hunting trip.

"I know what you did today" Rosalie stated. "And I really don't care for the full details. Okay?"

He smiled. He loved it when she was bossy. "Okay. By the way, I was wondering, did it hurt?" He asked with fake concern.

Rosalie smiled. She knew where this was going. "Did what hurt?" she asked innocently and willingly forgetting all the anger she had accumulated.

"When you fell ALL the way from heaven?"

So there you have it…me messing with Emmett. And a couple of these pickup lines have, sadly, been used on me jsuk… ugh! **BAD** memories. Anyway, REVIEW!!!!! :)


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